


shouyou.

by r0uen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Boyfriends, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:13:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r0uen/pseuds/r0uen
Summary: a study in the complexities of love, by Kageyama Tobio.or, the transition from Hinata to Shouyou and back again.(day 6 of haikyuu angst week- firsts and lasts)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 3
Kudos: 74
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	shouyou.

Kageyama remembers the first time he called Shouyou by his first name. 

It had slipped out on accident, while they were cuddling on the couch. He was tired, and in some slip of judgement murmured, “Shouyou I wanna go to bed.”

Hinata’s face had heated up in an instant, and his arms had tightened around his boyfriend. 

Kageyama realized the mistake almost instantly. “God, I’m sorry Hinata, I-” 

“No, no! It’s, uh, it’s fine.” Hinata turned around to face Kageyama, straddling his lap, and he was smiling, the same way he does when he hits a successful cross-court shot. He was radiant, beautiful, a star that could light up the whole universe if he tried.

“You should keep calling me that, Tobio.”

Now it was Kageyama’s turn to blush. He turned away from Shouyou, pressing his face into the couch cushions, as his hands moved to rest on Shouyou’s hips. “Dumbass.”

“Do you get embarrassed when I call you by your given name, To-bi-o?” Shouyou punctuated each syllable with a kiss to Kageyama’s jaw, who could feel Hinata smiling against his neck. 

“No, it’s not embarrassing.” Kageyama lifted his head from the cushions, cupping Shouyou’s jaw. “It just… really makes me want to kiss you.”

“Kageyamaaa! That’s so cute!” Shouyou was glowing at this point, wrapping his arms around Kageyama’s neck. “If it makes you feel any better, when you called me Shouyou my chest felt all _woosh!_ and _wham!_ Like the way I feel when I hit a really good spike right in front of the blocker’s faces!”

“You’re a dumbass,” says Kageyama frankly, and Shouyou pouts from his perch on his lap. “You’re an adorable dumbass though.” 

Shouyou suddenly frowns. “Who are you and what have you done to Kageyama! You’re never this nice to me!”

“Don’t- don’t overthink it! I just like you a lot, Shouyou.” Tobio smiles at him. It’s soft and gentle, all the things that he normally isn’t, and Shouyou decides that this version of Tobio is his favorite. The one that is soft and careful and calls him by his given name with a blush on his face. The one that curls his hand in Shouyou’s hair, soft and uncertain, before smiling lips meet and whisper promises that fade into the night. 

Then reality breaks in, years later.

Kageyama can’t remember the last time Shouyou called him by his given name. He’s been reduced to simply “Kageyama-kun”, and he wants to scream at Shouyou, tell him to drop the honorific and drop the bullshit, but their relationship will never be the same again.

He remembers late-night phone calls, whispering “Shouyou” to his kitchen cabinets and bedroom ceiling and couch pillows. He remembers murmuring “Sho” to anything orange, tangerines in the grocery store and opponents’ uniforms and volleyball courts and Italian flags. He runs his hands across brown-colored objects (lounge chairs and coffee pots and chocolate chips), remembers the color of Shouyou’s eyes and their brightness when he smiles. He finds silver rings and spoons and socks to match the rings they both wear, not engagement but holding promises all the same. 

He finds Shouyou in the world around him, in the air he breathes and the sky they share and the pork buns his older neighbor likes to make. He hears him in the windchimes outside his apartment and the way Natsu talks to him over the phone. He tastes him in the pork curry from the restaurant he frequents with his team and the salty air that blows into his mouth at the beach. He feels him the pillow he hugs at night, lonely and yearning for the warm body that fits so comfortably in his arms and the extra plate he can’t stop leaving out on the table at dinner. He feels him in the emptiness that texts and skype calls can’t fill. 

And daily calls become weekly calls and good morning texts become awkward small talk they feel obligated to respond to. “Shou” becomes “Shouyou-kun” becomes “Hinata-kun”. 

Kageyama keeps whispering Shouyou into his blanket as he falls to sleep but nothing can keep the absence from sinking into his bloodstream until it’s all he can feel.

Eventually, they stop calling. They stop texting. Kageyama only knows he returned to Japan from the volleyball news stations he follows. He watches Shouyou’s games, and wishes he could be the one setting for him. 

Later, they meet again on opposite sides of the court. Shouyou’s team wins, but Kageyama can’t bring himself to be upset about it.

Shouyou approaches him after the game. His posture carries a certain obligation- a politeness that shouldn’t apply.

“Good game, Kageyama-kun.” 

He smiles, and it’s rancid, rotten all the way through. Tobio can’t help but notice the lack of rings on his fingers, the way he stays a foot away from Tobio like he’s about to be bitten.

Like he’s afraid.

Kageyama smiles, in this fake, blistering way. The media will eat it up- he rarely smiles- but Hinata knows it’s fake, and Kageyama can see it in the way his eyes widen.

“Good game, Hinata- _san_.” 

The honorific bites, and they stare until Atsumu (Kageyama’s replacement) comes over. He is oblivious to the brewing tension, and wears a soft smile of victory. “Hey Kageyama-kun, Shouyou.” His arm slips around Shouyou’s shoulders, finding an easy home there. Shouyou smiles, for real this time, and his eyes are alight with-

_Oh._

The realization is a brick wall.

Kageyama walks away from Hinata with a sense of betrayal.


End file.
